Intention – Part Two

Photo Credit - Cindie Young

Once your intention is clear, you can relax and enjoy the dance, because you and your child are operating within a clear, protected space that you have created. The dance is what we have called process. Intention sets the tension and boundaries for the field; process fills the form with life. Both are necessary to create the dance that we call education.” Lawrence Williams

As many Oak Meadow students move forward into the new school year, they begin their educational journey with the good intention of being productive and achieving objectives and goals. Intention can also play a significant role in “living education”, which is clearly defined in the following article, written by one of Oak Meadow’s original class teachers, Becky Lowe.

Intention is the inner impetus that adds strength to our ideas and causes them to be born in reality. We have all experienced having a strong intention about something. There are many times in my life, as I’m sure there are in yours, when I have so much to accomplish that I know it will never get done unless I create so much inner organization that I know exactly what I need to do the next day without having to spend the first hour of the day figuring it out. That inner organization is intention.

At Oak Meadow we speak often of engaging in the process, and you might think that process is at odds with intention. But think about it. Whenever you set up a process to engage in with your child, you probably have some kind of goal. Perhaps you plan to discuss the concept of the number three with your kindergartener, to work on multiplication tables with your third grader, or to make a salt and flour map with your fourth grader. You hope to approach it in a relaxed and enjoyable way, focusing on the process together instead of being so fixed on your goal that the process is no fun. That inner goal you hold is your intention. 

As home teachers it is critical that we have a strong intention about our children’s work. Some children are extremely motivated to do their schoolwork and create all kinds of wonderful projects on their own. Most children need a fair bit of support, especially if they have previously been in a large classroom of any kind, or a program that was very structured.

The Oak Meadow curriculum supplies a focus for your work with your child. It would be extremely helpful for both you and your child if you could take the time each week to read ahead and get a sense of where the curriculum is going for that week. Make a list of supplies you will need. Make a list of subjects that will be covered so that when you go to the library you can check out relevant books. Purchase any supplies you don’t have, such as tag board or food coloring. Beyond these physical preparations, however, it is necessary to prepare yourself inwardly. 

Each night, take about fifteen minutes to clarify your intention for the next day’s schooling. Will you be studying word families? How do you plan to go about that? Will your fourth grader be studying state history this week? How can you help support your child with your own intention? A fourth grader usually needs less direct involvement than a first grader does, but nevertheless, each child needs daily support to set aside the focused time required to complete the day’s assignments.

What appointments or errands or household jobs need to be done the next day? How can you schedule those and a focused learning time with your child without having to double up and wash dishes while your kindergartener works? If you can be completely available to your children for even a short period of time each day, without doing some other task at the same time, it will make a big difference in your schooling. 

Some time ago my daughter was reading out loud to me, and as I sat on the couch next to her, I noticed three baskets of laundry sitting in front of me. Of course, being a normal mother in her laundry-person role, I began folding towels. She said, “Mom, could you please just sit and listen to me? If you really have to do that, I guess it would be alright with me but I want you to listen to me.” I said, “When I fold laundry while you read, does it make you feel I’m not really listening to you because I’m also busy with something else?” “Yes,” she said. So I just listened, and it was wonderful. I got to not only enjoy the story she was reading, but to admire the way she’s growing in the fluidity of her reading, to hear her stumble and correct herself over new or difficult words, and to feel excited about the progress she’s making in reading. We felt happy and close to each other afterward, and her reading time became something special, rather than something she just happened to be doing while I was folding laundry. I became an active participant in her reading through my focused listening.

Having intention actually energizes the process you are engaged in with your child. It is not goal oriented in the sense of a goal in the future you would like to achieve. It is something we participate in actively in order to create the space for whatever we are holding an intention about. Perhaps you have seen an ad in the newspaper about an interesting play you would like to take your family to. You intend to go to this play. How will you help that come about? You will act. First, you’ll probably check your calendar to see what dates would suit you, and then you’ll call the theater to check on availability of seats and exact show times. Then you purchase the tickets. Then you’ll mark the date down in your calendar, and when the tickets arrive you’ll tuck them away in a safe place. When the day comes, you get everyone dressed and ready to go, take your tickets and go have a wonderful time at the play. All of this happened because of your original intention! If you just sort of dreamily imagined how enjoyable this play might be, but don’t make the effort to bring it to fruition, you’ll never get there. 

This month I’d like you to consider how you can use intention to more actively support your family’s learning processes. Take time to clarify your intentions for the next day’s work, taking into account the age, personality, interest, and academic level of your children. Having this kind of intention does not tie you down into doing specific processes, but it provides a kind of framework within which to work. If a particular approach falls flat, that’s okay. Because you have an inner overview, you can move into another approach that could accomplish the same thing.

Read Part One here!

Intention – Part One

Photo Credit - Sarah Justice

Photo Credit - Sarah Justice

Whenever a group of people are united in their intention and move forward together, manifestation is the natural outcome. By working together with your children, step by step, day by day, you will manifest the greatness that is within your children and yourself, and you will create new opportunities of growth for your family. – Lawrence and Bonnie Williams

Autumn is near and soon we will enter into the month of September. Many of your children have begun (or will soon begin) their Oak Meadow coursework. As you begin to guide your children in the next step of their educational journey, it is important to take a moment to reflect upon what it is you, as the home teachers, are providing for them. At the most basic level, you are helping your children with the learning process in the areas of language arts, mathematics, social studies and science, as well as in the creative arts. As we all know, offering these subjects as learning tools are very important. However, if you wish to make the most of this school year, you will need to recognize that you are doing more than just helping your children become knowledgeable in these areas. At a deeper level, you are enabling them to express their inner potential. The academic and artistic subjects are just the focal points you will use in the process.

What do I mean by “expressing one’s inner potential”? I am referring to how we take what is inside – what is not visible – and express it outside of ourselves, so that the whole world can see it. The process of transforming the inner into the outer is called manifestation. Oak Meadow believes that in order to manifest our children’s education successfully, certain steps must be followed. We need to have clear intention with our process and our goals. We need to clear time and space for focused learning. We need to give attention to the process. We also need to assess our progress daily and make adjustments.

For those of you who are in your first year working with Oak Meadow’s K-3 coursework, you have been provided with the book, The Heart of Learning, written by Oak Meadow’s founder, Lawrence Williams. If you have not yet begun reading this wealth of information, I highly encourage you to start now. For those of you have read it in previous years, I recommend that you reread it, particularly chapter 8 (“Working with Creative Tension”), chapter 10 (“Focus, Process, and Relationship”), and chapter 12 (“Creating Boundaries and Clear Communication”).

Rhythm is also an essential part of the learning process. We each have our own unique rhythm; however, this unique rhythm is but a minor embellishment upon the major common rhythms that we all share as human beings. The major common rhythms are a result of many factors that originate from within our bodies, such as our heartbeats or sleeping patterns, as well as from our external environment, such as the day/night rhythm and the seasons. If we are to be effective teachers, we must understand these rhythms and know how to use them in the learning process. Oak Meadow’s former Social Media Coordinator, Amanda Witman, posted a lovely article on “Rhythms, Routines and Rituals” in Oak Meadow’s blog. If you have not yet read this selection, you might like to add this to your beginning-of-the-new-year readings.

An Appreciation of TEACHERS!

The mediocre teacher tells.

The good teacher explains.

The superior teacher demonstrates.

The great teacher inspires.

William Arthur Ward

Last week, May 1-5, was Teacher Appreciation Week, but it certainly should not be recognized and celebrated for only one week out of the year. Therefore, I would like to show my deepest gratitude for the very important role all of you are performing. Whether you are the main home teacher, a co-teacher, or a provisional teacher, you need to be acknowledged, honored and thanked. You are sharing an amazing gift with your children/students!

Photo Credit: Leslie Ann Daniels

Parenting and teaching children may be two of the hardest jobs ever experienced. It’s not always easy to share knowledge with enthusiasm. It’s not always easy to provide guidance with inspiration. It can be difficult to promote self-confidence when we may not be feeling completely confident in ourselves. It can truly be challenging to instill the love of learning and to offer wisdom while helping to prepare children for living to their fullest potential.

Journeys are never completely easy. We will be challenged with hard times and frustrating moments. However, amid the challenges, we will also experience those shining moments of complete joy and satisfaction. If we approach our teaching skills by developing a quality relationship with our students, then we will be approaching our teaching as a positive, transformative journey for all who are involved.

Photo Credit: Erienne Novak

Not only do we need to honor our role as teachers, we also need to honor our children, for children can be our greatest teachers. They allow us the opportunity for personal growth. Children help us to remember our dutiful role in continuously providing the best and offering the most we can in every learning moment. We need to find that crucial balance between a loving heart and a determined mind. Being the best teacher is not the goal, because we are all humanly imperfect and incapable of such a title. However, if we strive to do the best we can, then we are being the best teacher possible in that moment. This striving is a strong testimony to the Oak Meadow’s educational philosophy of the process vs. the goal.

In all my years of teaching and guiding students, I have discovered that the most important lessons we can instill in our children is the joy of learning, the balance of life, and to never give up just because it’s hard.

I was recently reading through Oak Meadow’s guidebook, The Heart of Learningwritten by Oak Meadow’s co-founder, Lawrence Williams. It offers such amazing insight, inspiration and guidance. If you haven’t read it lately, I highly recommend perusing it. If you don’t own a copy of the newly revised and updated 40th Anniversary edition, it is available through the Oak Meadow Bookstore.

Note to Former Self: What I wish I’d known before our two decades of homeschooling

by June M. Schulte

When we began homeschooling in 1982, our eldest was just over seven years old, the legal age for school in Vermont. Although we were doing a lot with our children – reading aloud, making crafts, singing, dancing and so on – we weren’t quite sure which things might count as education and what was needed that we didn’t even know about. The day we received word from the State that we were okay to homeschool, our five children were ages 7¼, 5¾, 4, 2, and 10 days old. John Holt spoke to homeschoolers nearby that week, and we were encouraged by his words about the natural way children learn by doing.

Photo Credit: June M. Schulte (Oak Meadow Archives)
Photo Credit: June M. Schulte
(Oak Meadow Archives)

We had searched for a good curriculum to use, and felt the one which best matched our view was offered by Oak Meadow School. Based on exchanges with cofounders Bonnie and Lawrence Williams, our eldest was placed in second grade and our daughter in first. We also bought the kindergarten curriculum to guide the younger children and, in truth, to reassure us in case our eldest had missed something important. We felt ready and excited.

Execution of the curriculum was another story altogether. Our fifth child was a newborn and a robust 10lb-er; however, he also startled very easily and had rapid respirations for his first two weeks. In years to come, we would discover he had attention inconsistencies, but in those first months of homeschooling, it translated into needing to keep the household relatively quiet (in Winter) so the baby wasn’t over-stimulated. Also, as a nursing mother, I had a series of breast infections not easily quelled with antibiotics, as we eventually discovered there were two germs involved, not one. It was a challenge!

Photo Credit: June M. Schulte (Oak Meadow Archives)
Photo Credit: June M. Schulte
(Oak Meadow Archives)

By the time we were sending our first quarter report and samples to Oak Meadow, I was quite concerned, as it seemed to me we had failed miserably. I felt that the most academic thing we had done all season was make a leaf mobile!  We had also written a poem about the season, read aloud, sung songs (things that can be done with a babe in arms), and played a lot. But there were few lessons of any kind. At least I had kept a journal of what learning I noticed, and sent it along. I braced myself for the response from Oak Meadow.

What came was a beautifully encouraging letter from Bonnie Williams herself, highlighting the many learning opportunities she found evident in my journal. Being a mother of four, she had read between the lines. She noted that my older children had learned that babies come first, to make their own sandwiches, and to help one another. She assured me that there would yet be plenty of time to accomplish the paperwork in the curriculum and recommended we simply stay with it.

We did, and I am so grateful for that. Bonnie was right. By the end of the year, we had completed the lessons in the curriculum, and our State Certified Teacher (who later opened a Waldorf school) confirmed it, giving me the greatest sense of accomplishment and peace!

Photo Credit: June M. Schulte (Oak Meadow Archives)
Photo Credit: June M. Schulte
(Oak Meadow Archives)

Our children are now ages 41½ , 40, 38, 36, and 34. They all made the Dean’s List their first semester of college, graduated, and have been gainfully employed since. They are not social misfits. In fact, our eldest is a company manager, 5th-degree black belt and international TaekwonDo referee, dad, and co-owner of a horse farm with his spouse. Our daughter graduated Magna Cum Laude with a B.S. in Mathematics and is a partner in a worldwide firm, a mom, and owner of a large house in Maine. Our third child has a Ph.D. and is a wildlife biologist who headed up shorebird recovery in the Gulf of Mexico in the wake of the BP oil spill; he is a dad, town selectman, marathon runner, and 3rd-degree black belt who teaches TaekwonDo. Our fourth child has a degree in Computer Science, works in customer support, and founded a non-profit focused on sustainability that grows food for food shelves. Our youngest has a degree in Networking and Website Development and makes websites for a good living; he is a dad, records local bands to get their music out to the public, and owns a house with his spouse.

Moreover, they are happy. They care about the world, the nation, and their local communities. They play with their children and are good friends. The many fears we had in those early days (and along the way) have been allayed. Our six grandchildren, currently age 10 years to 10 months, are intelligent, funny, sweet people.

Photo Credit: June M. Schulte (Oak Meadow Archives)
Photo Credit: June M. Schulte
(Oak Meadow Archives)

I wish I could have known at the outset how it would be now. But, really, we just had to take it one day (sometimes one hour!) at a time. I’d say keeping a journal was the most important work I contributed, because it not only recorded the moments for which there was no paperwork, but it helped me notice and appreciate their slow and wonderful flourishing. On the tough days (and there were many), it was sanity-producing to read back over the last month’s journal and know for sure that we were making progress. It was what I drew from to create our end of year reports.

Note to former self:  If a child is loved deeply, is given good resources, great art materials, lots of trips to libraries, field trips when possible, hands-on exploration, and heaps of fun, they cannot help but thrive. The curriculum itself is secondary. There is no way we can give a child all the knowledge they will need in life. So we need to teach them, largely by example and conversation, to mull and articulate, to explore, discover, invent, and create; give them the tools for doing their own research, creating their own art, writing their stories, and living as caring citizens. Give your heart to it and don’t second-guess yourself too much. If something isn’t right, trust that you’ll recognise that. Turn a deaf ear to naysayers and listen to other homeschoolers who share your philosophy. Have a small group of homeschoolers you can get together with or at least some homeschooling pen pals (for you as well as the children). You are all going to be just fine.

Photo Credit: June M. Schulte (Oak Meadow Archives)
Photo Credit: June M. Schulte
(Oak Meadow Archives)


June Schulte completed her college degree as an off-campus student while homeschooling her children. She applied for and was granted the maximum three semesters of Life Learning credits from Goddard College (known for its progressive approach), earning a B.A. in Home Education and Religious Studies. She then completed a three year Diocesan Study Program as well as some seminary studies. A lifelong contemplative, June also completed the two year Shalem Spiritual Guidance Program, and for 20 years has been meeting with people who are seeking spiritual guidance. Guidance seems to be most of what homeschooling was about for June, and she feels that her children taught her more than she taught them. June and her husband, Bill, have been married 42 years so far, and are the delighted Grammie and Grandad of four granddaughters and two grandsons. As the Irish saying goes, “Children are the Rainbow of Life; Grandchildren are the Pot of Gold!”

Thoughts on Perfectionism

Recently, my Oak Meadow colleagues and I have received inquiries from home teachers regarding their child’s desire for perfectionism and the many frustrations that accompany this need. Working with children who display perfectionist tendencies can be quite challenging, so it is a valuable issue to address.

A perfectionist is someone who sets a standard of perfection and refuses to accept anything less. Unfortunately, in an imperfect world, the perfectionist’s view can be an individual’s worst enemy, especially for a child.

The tendency for perfectionism can often be observed during a child’s school lessons. For example, a child may start writing out a lesson or drawing a picture, then repeatedly tear up the papers, only to begin again and again. A child with perfection tendencies may also easily cry or become quite frustrated if a simple mistake is made.

Perfectionism in children usually arises because there is more focus on the form of the lesson or task, rather than on the process of the activity. This is one of the reasons why Oak Meadow continuously emphasizes focusing on the process vs. focusing on the final form (or goal).

Most children go through perfectionist phases, so it is important that we, as home teachers and parents, do not overreact to the minor cycles of perfectionism. Oak Meadow cofounder, Lawrence Williams, believes that what often remedies these phases is to give our children “extra doses of recognition and appreciation for the work that they do.” He also feels that this pattern of interaction is an extremely important part of our children’s development.

When my children would show tendencies towards perfectionism, I not only looked at their individual needs and developmental cycles, but I also observed my own cyclic process. Did I find myself criticizing my own imperfections? Perhaps I said or did something that made me feel inadequate, or perhaps I felt guilty for being an imperfect mother or home teacher.

Let’s face it. We all have the desire to sometimes be perfect. We find ourselves wanting to please others, to do everything right, to make the perfect choice, etc. We especially want to be ideal parents. We also know that, no matter how well we try to hide these feelings, our children still have the ability to pick up on them and may even start expressing some of the same feelings.

There was no doubt in my mind that, unless I stopped demanding this need for perfection in myself, my children would also grow up with the same tendencies. Not surprisingly, these perfectionist tendencies can result in a lack of self confidence.

To help our children through their perfectionist phases, we need to allow our children, as well as ourselves, to be imperfect. It may require more energy, more love, and more patience. However, embracing imperfection is a crucial step in human development.

Author and founder of “Healthy Mother Earth Foundation” Robin Lim once wrote: Imperfection is God’s gift. It makes us compassionate as well as deserving of compassion. It allows us to take risks, to fail and succeed, to learn and grow, to ask questions. It honors our differences, our individual styles.

Now, go right on ahead! With another seasonal change at our doorsteps, making its own perfectly imperfect way into the world, take a leap into the wonderful world of imperfection. Ask a silly question, take a risk, experiment with new ideas, laugh at your own idiosyncrasies, and make all kinds of wonderful mistakes!

Part 3 of Developing Self-Esteem

lawrence
Lawrence Williams (Oak Meadow Archives)

The following is Part 3 of Developing Self-Esteem: Challenge Them, written by Oak Meadow’s co-founder, Lawrence Williams.

Challenge Them

Respect and appreciation provide the underlying support that a child needs, but challenges provide the fulcrum through which self-esteem is developed. Challenges enable a child to develop inner strength, which is an essential component of self-esteem. By facing and conquering small challenges, children develop the inner strength to face and conquer larger challenges and, ultimately, to conquer the challenges that face us all as human beings. Without challenges in life, children never have the opportunity to invoke the inner fire that is the true source of self-esteem. However, presenting children with challenges is something that must be approached intelligently and with caution, for it can easily become distorted and become a detriment rather than a benefit. The following guidelines may be helpful:

Provide Appropriate Challenges – Although something is gained just by the struggle itself, if children are constantly faced with challenges that are beyond their capacity, they inevitably fail, and this tends to diminish, rather than increase, self-esteem. The real benefit of a challenge lies in the opportunity it provides for the child to dig deeper and bring forth more inner strength, enough to overcome the obstacle and succeed. Thus, we must provide experiences that are difficult enough to offer a challenge, but not so difficult that failure is inevitable. As children grow in strength and expertise, look for new challenges that are up to their new capacity. Admittedly, this is an art, but it is one that becomes easier with practice.

Talk About It – Children are very open to the idea of applying themselves to a challenge to help them increase their inner strength, but you have to present it to them in a way that is relevant to their stage of unfoldment. For some children, you may put it in imaginary terms, and relate it to a particular fairy tale they enjoy (“Remember how the prince had to lift the heavy stones to build the wall? Well, this is just like that…”). For older children, you can begin to talk in symbolic terms (“Remember the story I used to tell you when you were little about the prince fighting the dragon? Well, whenever we struggle to do something that is difficult, it’s just like fighting a dragon inside us. If we give up, the dragon wins, and we become weaker. If we complete the job, we win, and we become stronger and more skillful at fighting the dragons inside…”). Don’t make it a lecture, but just a heart-to-heart talk between friends. Gradually, these talks can become real in-depth discussions of some pretty extraordinary things.

Teach Basic Strategies – For certain kinds of tasks, children may have the will to do it, but they just don’t know how. When this happens, they sometimes will say, “I can’t do it” when what they really mean is “I don’t know how to do it”. However, teaching strategies means more than just explaining how to do the job. Often, particularly if the job seems overwhelming, it means showing them how to break the job down in smaller tasks that are less intimidating. Once again, you can use analogies to make it more relevant to them (“Sometimes, if the dragon is real big, you can’t kill it all at once; you have to tie up one leg, then another, then another…”). Learning strategies that can be applied to many different kinds of tasks is very important, for they can apply this knowledge in many ways for the rest of their lives.

Provide Encouragement and Support – Every challenge requires children to struggle somewhat, and nothing helps in this process more than receiving encouragement from those you love and respect. The extent of the support that you offer can vary widely, depending upon the age of the children and their capabilities. For younger children, you probably will need to actually do it with them, then withdraw your participation gradually and in a non-confrontive manner (“Oh! I just remembered something in the kitchen! You keep going and I’ll be right back!”). However, when you do this, make sure that you do come back, or they will get distracted and gradually begin to distrust what you say. For older children, you may have to help them get started, and then check in from time to time to see how they’re progressing. When you do, always provide encouragement on their progress.

Give Them a Chance to Struggle – Often, parents want to protect their children from all uncomfortable experiences. Although one can appreciate the compassion behind such sentiments, rescuing children from all uncomfortable experiences serves to weaken them, rather than strengthen them. Of course, this must be tempered according to children’s stage of unfoldment. Younger children develop inner strength by struggling to control their bodies and develop their coordination, and this is best accomplished within the confines of a protected, nurturing environment rather than exposure to the “real world”. Exposing your children to harsh outer experiences doesn’t develop inner strength, it only forces them to develop superficial outer defenses to protect themselves. However, as children grow older, they need to gradually replace the protection of the parents with their own individual awareness. Ultimately, self-esteem arises when we get in touch with our own inner fire, for this gives us a sense of confidence in our own capabilities and our own inner worth as human beings. A sensitive environment and a loving, supportive family can open the door to self-esteem, but only through confronting and overcoming our own weaknesses as individuals do we contact the inner fire that makes us whole, and that gives us a sense of self-esteem that is based upon a knowledge of our worth and our capacities as human beings.

Part 2 of Developing Self-Esteem

lawrenceThe following is Part 2 of Developing Self-Esteem: Appreciate Them, written by Oak Meadow’s co-founder, Lawrence Williams.

Appreciate Them

One of the most powerful techniques for building positive self-esteem in children is to let them know how much you appreciate them. Appreciation lets them know that you see them clearly, and that you like what you see. It also gives them the message that they are of value, and knowing that others value you is a great esteem builder. However, as with the quality of respect, we may agree in principle that children need to be appreciated, but how do we do this?

Honor Their Uniqueness – This sounds wonderful, but this often causes many parents problems, simply because the traits that make children unique are often traits that make them difficult to live with. For example, a child who is very active may keep a house in a constant state of turmoil. Nevertheless, a dynamic will is a wonderful quality to have, and if you try to eliminate that quality from the child you will be extinguishing what makes him or her unique. Thus, instead of trying to eliminate a quality that you find disagreeable, let them know that you appreciate that quality, then help them find constructive channels for its expression.

Look For the Good and Acknowledge It – Positive reinforcement is a very powerful motivator. When your children do something good, let them know that you recognize what they did and how much you appreciate it. This not only raises their self-esteem, but it also encourages them to do more of the same in the future. However, it’s important that your acknowledgement be genuine and heartfelt, and not just spoken from concept. Of course, this means you have to be watching for the good that they do, rather than just noticing the bad, but you will find that paying attention to the good that is in them not only makes you appreciate them more, but also improves your outlook on other aspects of life as well. The basic principle here is this: Whatever you focus upon increases. Thus, if you focus upon the weaknesses or problems that children have, they will increase. If you focus upon their strengths or virtues, they will increase. I once taught a little girl who was in first grade, and I was always impressed by the concern that she showed for the other children. If anyone was hurt, she was the first to offer help. We had a wonderful relationship and learned a lot together, but I noticed that she would often be depressed when she first came to school in the morning. One day I met her mother and realized that she had a very different view of her daughter than I did. In her eyes, her daughter was sloppy and obstinate. She failed to notice all the finer qualities in her daughter, but chose to focus upon something that was unimportant by comparison. True, the girl wasn’t meticulous, but that was only because she had such a big heart, she couldn’t be bothered with seemingly unimportant details! However, by ignoring all of the beauty in her daughter and focusing upon that one trait, her mother had caused her to become obstinate, simply in order to defend herself. And, to my amazement, when the girl was around her mother, she became sloppy and obstinate, and her finer qualities were almost obscured. By looking for the good in her daughter, that mother could have been enjoying a wonderful relationship instead of spending her days fighting an obstinate child.

Don’t Compare Them With Others – As I mentioned earlier, every child is unique, and deserves to be treated as an individual. By comparing one child with another, you give the message there is one “right” way to be, and if they don’t happen to be that way, they have no recourse but to feel that they are failures. There is no “right” way to be, any more than there is one “right “ color in the rainbow. Each color, just as each child, is equally important and “right”, and by each color affirming its uniqueness and being fully what it is, we have the entire spectrum of color, which makes the world a much more interesting place to live. Can you say red is a better color than blue, or that green is a better color than yellow? Of course not. Colors are simply different from each other, not better or worse. In the same way, children (or adults) are not better or worse than each other, they are just different, and these differences are something to be appreciated and celebrated, because they are what makes us individuals.

Stay tuned for next week’s Part 3Challenge Them!

Part 1 of Developing Self-Esteem

During the weekend of the Oak Meadow Open House (Oct 1, 2016), there was also a Staff Retreat for all Oak Meadow employees. As one of the longest serving employees, I had the fortunate opportunity to lead a workshop on “Oak Meadow Roots”, in which I shared some history and “acorn wisdom” of my thirty-plus years with Oak Meadow. This workshop inspired me to look back in my personal archives when I returned home, and I found an amazing article in Oak Meadow’s Fall 1989 journal of “Living Education”, called Developing Self-Esteem, written by Oak Meadow’s co-founder, Lawrence Williams. It is well worth sharing in a three-part series. The following is Part 1 of Developing Self-Esteem: Respect Them

lawrence
Lawrence Williams (Oak Meadow Archives)

“One of the primary benefits of homeschooling is the opportunity that it provides for the development of self-esteem in children. Homeschooling has the potential to offer a safe, supportive environment, one that quite naturally fosters the development of a healthy self-esteem in children. However, notice that I said potential. Like most things in life, homeschooling offers no guarantees. The opportunity is there, but whether that opportunity becomes a reality is the responsibility of the homeschooling parents. If you provide certain key elements, then your children’s self-esteem will increase during their homeschooling experience. What are these elements? There are many factors that play a part in the development of a child’s sense of self-esteem, but there are three that are of primary importance: respect, appreciation and challenges.

Respect Them

The most important thing that you can do to help children develop a healthy sense of self-esteem is to treat them with respect. Too often, we think of children as second-class people, simply because their bodies are smaller than most adults. However, what makes all of us worthwhile as human beings is not our body, but what we are inside. In this respect, children have every reason to be respected as much as adults, for they are just as big inside (sometimes even bigger) than most adults. Children can muster more will, more love and more ingenuity than a whole group of adults, and they can maintain it all day and well into the night, when most of us are exhausted and ready for bed. So, in terms of their inner nature, children are certainly worthy of our respect. We may agree with this in principle, but in our daily lives we often have difficulty doing it. How do we show respect for children in their daily lives?

Respect Their Sensitivity – Children are remarkably sensitive beings, but many parents see this as a sign of weakness, and try to expose their children to “the real world” at an early age. Often, the parents who do this feel that they have the child’s best interests in mind, but when this happens, children develop a number of defenses to protect their sensitivity, and these defenses often continue into adulthood, affecting the quality of their lives and the lives of those around them. Children who are forced to develop such defenses often appear to be self-confident, but that is only a superficial show of strength to protect themselves. By respecting the sensitivity of children, we give them an opportunity to express their own deeper nature, and ultimately that is the source from which true self-esteem arises.

Honor Your Agreements With Them – Don’t say you’ll do something and then later decide you won’t. When you arbitrarily disregard an agreement that you have made with them, you give them two very clear messages: that their concerns are not important, and that your word has no value. These messages damage the child’s sense of self-esteem and also weaken the bond that you share. Of course, there are always unforeseen events that occur which prevent us from doing some things we had planned to do, and when these occur you just have to explain the situation, apologize for not being able to keep your agreement, and make a new agreement. If the situation is valid, children will usually understand. But even if they don’t, as long as the reason is valid, you will have given them a good example of how to maintain your integrity while adapting to unforeseen circumstances, and this is a lesson that will benefit them for the rest of their lives.

Listen To Them – When children are still infants, many parents get into the habit of telling them what to do, simply because children are still learning about the basics of the world, and need some guidance. However, as children grow older (4-5 years old) they have begun to develop their own understanding of the world and their relationship to it, and they have many things to say that are not only valid, but can also be quite remarkable. But by this time many parents have gotten so used to talking at their children that they can’t stop to listen to them. By listening to children from an early age, we let them know that what they have to say is important, and this builds self-esteem.”

Stay tuned for next week’s Part 2 – Appreciate Them!

The Arrival of Fall (From the Archive)

by Lawrence Williams, EdD
excerpted from Living Education (October 1981) 

As the Fall of the year arrives, we experience once again the familiar contraction of Mother Nature, reminding us that all things must pass, and even the beautiful expansiveness of Summer must recede to allow Winter to work its magic.

Children often experience this contraction as a desire to focus their energies, after a long summer of either relaxation or unharnessed exuberance. For those who have been homeschooling for a while, the seasonal extremes are usually not as pronounced. However, for those exploring home study for the first time, the Fall can be a time of difficult adjustments to a new situation.

Often our instinct is to establish firm schedules of “schoolwork” within the home, as a natural response to the seasonal contraction which we feel. However, though it is true that children seem to appreciate more of a focus at this time of year, we should look for ways to integrate this focus as naturally and warmly as possible, to avoid the inevitable reactions that arise from trying to maintain a strict form.

Use this time to seek a deeper understanding of your children’s changing needs — this understanding will be a tremendous asset as you progress through the course of the year.

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This article first appeared in its original form in Living Education: The Monthly Journal of Oak Meadow School in October 1981. The early incarnation of Living Ed (as we fondly refer to it) provided a then-rare space for homeschooling parents and Oak Meadow staff to explore and share their thoughts about learning, parenting, and related topics.

What do you think of Oak Meadow founder Lawrence Williams’ thoughts in this article from years past? Do you agree with his recommendations? How do you approach the transition to Fall in your own family’s homeschooling rhythm?

As parents and educators, reading others’ thoughts, asking challenging questions, and considering new ideas will open up different opportunities for ourselves and our children. Our ideas continue to evolve as we move along our journey. How have your own thoughts grown and changed since your homeschooling adventure began?

Helping Your Children to Express Inner Potential

As you begin to help your children learn throughout the new school year, it is important to take a moment to reflect upon what it is you, as the home teacher, are providing for them. At the most basic level in grades kindergarten through fourth grade, you are helping your children with the learning process in the areas of language arts, mathematics, social studies and science, as well as the creative arts and health. As we all know, helping them learn these subjects well is very important. However, if you wish to make the most of this school year, you need to recognize that you are doing more than just helping your children become knowledgable in these areas. At a deeper level, you are helping them express their inner potential. The above mentioned subjects are just the focal points you will use in the process.

What do I mean by “expressing one’s inner potential”? I am referring to how we take what is inside – what is not visible – and express it outside of ourselves, so that the whole world can see it. This process of transforming the inner into the outer is called manifestation.

Oak Meadow founders, Bonnie and Lawrence Williams, believe that, in order to manifest our children’s education successfully, certain steps must be followed.

You need to have clear intention with your process and your goals.
You need to clear a space for learning.
You need to assess your progress daily and make adjustments.

Next week, I will share more of Oak Meadow’s detailed guidelines for helping in the teaching process. Until then, I wish you all the best for an exciting year of learning!